Talking to the Wind
by Hell's Best Product
Summary: Marco visits Rachel's grave years after her death to get some feelings off his chest about how he really felt for Rachel. He just wishes he would have said it all to her face instead of just talking to the wind.


Hey Rachel. I came here alone to talk to you one on one and tell you how I truly feel. Something I wish I'd have done when you were alive. When you could hear me and reply. Of course, you'd probably just punch me in the face. I've just been doing a lot of remeniscing lately. Remembering back to the good ole days. The days when we were a team. When we all fought together against the Yeerks. It's kinda funny actually. Back then all I did was whine and complain about how the whole 'save-the-world' thing just sucked big time, but now, it's all I can do not to miss it. At least we were all together. At least you were there.

I remember how I would just look at you, wishing I could have you. I never could tell you because you always just thought I was an annoying little twit. I knew I never had a chance with you, Rachel. But I wished and hoped and dreamed. You were always so magnificant when your blonde hair blew in the wind. You were beautiful. Even while morphing. Don't get me wrong. Cassie had a way with morphing that even you didn't have, but you were even more beautiful without it. I know I made a million jokes about how creepy you looked and about you being Xena, but it was all surface. Deep down I only ever wanted to hold you and tell you how much you meant to me. Honestly, the whole rage and hunger for battle you had was actually kind of a turn on. I was stunned by how brave you always were. Isn't it kind of ironic? I loved you for your bravery and it was your bravery that got you killed.

I miss you Rachel. You have no idea how many times you saved my life. Not that you had to do anything. Many times I have been so close to death that I couldn't even demorph. But I did. I wanted to survive so I could keep looking at you. I was only torturing myself because I knew you would only ever be a wish to me, but I couldn't push away my feelings for you. Tobias. He's one of my best friends. We fought many battles together, side by side. But I'll be honest and tell you that I always did have a sense of jealousy toward him. He had you and I didn't. So many times did I wish I could be him for just five minutes.

I always used to jokingly hit on you. Well _you_ thought I was joking anyway. But the truth is, I always meant what I said. But then, when you got split in half in starfish morph and there were two of you for a few days, something happened that gave me hope. See, when that happened, all the mean and evil and rage you had inside you made one Rachel. Then all the sensitivity and kindness you had made the other Rachel. The nice you said I was cute. That's the first time I had ever heard anything even close to a compliment toward me come out of your mouth. And right then I knew that deep down, there was a small part of you that would have given me a chance. I clung to the small hope that, one day, that part of you would surface and that you would feel for me even a portion of what I felt for you. And you know what? I think that could have happened. Toward the end, you did seem to open up to me a little more. I saw you look at me a few times in a way beyond our dim friendship. It made me wonder. It made me hope.

But then you died. I guess it really was never meant to be. It could have been and even might have been, but thinking about the might haves has never got anyone anywhere good. I miss you Rachel. More than anyone, you gave me the streingth to go on. But at the same time, you broke me down. I feel so alone without you here. But you always made me feel so alone before. Strange isn't it? That you had the power to pick me up or tear me down anytime you wanted. I just never let you know. I've never let anyone in this world or any other know how I truely felt about you. Not even Jake. If I had, maybe you would have let out that small part of you deep down inside. But I didn't. And now I'll never know what would have happened. I love you, Rachel. And I visited your grave to say goodbye.


End file.
